So I feel like I should have written this a year ago, maybe two, but on the eve of my 37th birthday I said what the hell. This is the perfect moment. I am so removed from that part of my life, but I think I can really impart some good wisdom on my young LGBTQ family.
If you happen to come out in your teenage years and early 20s, this will be a great help. The landscape for LGBTQ people is definitely changing and acceptance is evolving. People are appearing openly as gay and transgender at earlier ages and get to have that real natural progression into their sexuality or understanding their gender and queerness. I didn’t come out until I was 18/19 and I seem to have had to crash course my way through it all. Even to this moment I am still learning things. I kind of think you always will to an extent. So here are some great ideas that will help you get to 25 and to make you amazing.
- Fuck The Haters.
You will save so much energy by just being yourself and not worrying about what people think or perceive you to be. It’s easier to just live your life, be dope, and let folks find you where you intend to show up.
- Stay Single. Date Yourself.
I mean completely single. Dating at that stage of your life will be an inherent distraction and a financial inconvenience. No one knows what they really want at that age and I sure as hell didn’t and didn’t really have a clue until I was in my 30s. I suggest that you just go out on dates and learn yourself romantically. Love is an undying force in the universe and you will benefit in the long run from loving yourself first and then inviting someone in to the party that is your life.
- See a Therapist.
This is a new affirmation in the gay experience. I wasn’t pro-therapy until recently. All those emotional cuts and bruises that aren’t healed properly will fester and haunt your adulthood and decision making. If you can get a therapist through your Obamacare or Trumpcare (eye roll) I suggest you do it. Start the healing process now. Contrary to think that therapy will make you feel judged, it does the opposite. It empowers you to make great and healthy decisions toward your betterment. If you are LGBTQ person of intersectionality this is will be a great help.
- Have Sex.
I do understand abstinence and waiting for marriage, but that’s a crock of shit. I’m not saying go out there and fuck everything on two legs or three, if you like them that big, but learn what makes you tick. I suggest gathering 2 – 5 regular sex buddies so that it allows you to keep track of your sexual health and explore your sexuality. I suggest a variety type of men (age, body types, and position) and go from there. I say this because you need to get the heaux out your system so when you are dating you have more self-control. Cheating is so easy in the LGBTQ community because sex is readily available. You have to learn control so you don’t fall for any Tom, Dick, or Harry (literally) and so you can communicate more effectively to a partner about what turns you on.
- Get Your Passport
….and see the fucking world! Save up for one amazing trip a year and see the world. Sure the United States is precious, but it’s nothing sitting on a beach in the middle of the Caribbean with a beer and a good book. Also get that culture. We Americans sit in a bubble. The world is so different outside of the states.
- Stay At Home With Your Parents
If you can live at home as long as you can and stack that money, DO IT! Once you leave you never will want to come back because you will get so used to that type of independence. I left home at 26 and never looked back. I’m glad I waited. I saved up, purchased all my furniture and moved in fully furnished. It was a great experience.
- Get Educated
I truly regret not going to college and getting it over with. Even if it I didn’t end up doing that specific concentration. Having a Bachelor’s minimally will get you far unless your family is rich and you can work in the family business. Also it will allow you to meet new types of people. I didn’t go to college because I was bullied so badly in high school that I thought I would have ran into the same thing again. It was a bad mistake. You would be shocked the people you meet. Everyone is looking for acceptance as you are.
- Love and Connect With Your LGBTQ Community
If you can’t march in a parade or stand out in the open with us at Pride, donate, volunteer, or support LGBTQ businesses. Regardless of how much progress we have made, there is still so much left to do. Don’t be a cliché queer person and become self-hating. Embrace who you are, as you embrace your gender, race, and ethnic origins. It will put you so far ahead of your peers and lead you to a place to help others as well.
Even if you aren’t under 25 and this helps you. I suggest you take it all in or share this with someone who this can help.