10 Things Gay Men Need To Start…





1. Learning the Bible, Torah, or Quran….

As a Christian gay man people have used the biblical scriptures against me to discredit me from having rights and freedoms. To my credit I have done some studying of the bible and its interpretations. People seem to regularly use Leviticus 20:13 against us; “If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them.” *side eye… That was written in the Old Testament and widely known but an overlooked fact is that when Jesus returned he nullified the damnations we incurred as of results of our sins we committed. Just rest on that thought. Who really knows what Leviticus 20:13 was intended for? It could have been specifically aimed at the Greeks because of their homosexual behaviors especially during times of war where soldiers took an apprentice and they often had sexual relations with them. Also their over fifty English written versions of the Bible, which compounds the fact when kings like Henry VIII split from the catholic church to form his own Bible and augmented the bible. Which any man in power manipulated the text. More facts are that the Bible is in part not in full. Some gospels never made the book, for what reason I have no idea and this is the same book of scripture that white colonists used to validate 300 years of slavery. I know religion can be a scary topic, especially for gay men of color, but you have to know the tactics of your enemies and who will try to bring you down. Check this diagram below. This is what the Bible said about women and somehow they got rights, why haven’t we?


2. Training Your FagHags….

It’s nothing worst when you are out an a majority gay event and that one gay friend that always brings that one straight female friend who walks up to you without knowing you and says “Hey Queen, what’s tea? You look fabulous? What’s your name?” This nowadays will get you cussed out by me and several other gay men. Gay men come in all varying types of masculinity and femininity and not that I am against talking like that with someone I am cool with, but it’s rude coming from a stranger I don’t even know. I find that women think just because a few gay men tolerate them, that all of us will and do. Some gay men are very clear that they are very anti-women. My gay brothers if you are going to bring the occasional faghag out with you, make she is potty trained and doesn’t have diarrhea of the mouth. Also, this is unacceptable completely in the workplace.



3. Choosing Priorities, Over Clubs and Prides….

Now I am guilty of this one. Instead of spending my twenties club hopping from Thursday to Tuesday I should have been in school and trying to finish instead of scrambling for my Bachelors in my thirties (God knows if I knew then, what I know now). I recognize some gay men without a pot to barely piss in are actively running to every Pride and major club event they can get to. As gay men some of were blessed enough to conceive children because we settled into this lifestyle and the rest of us have to plan families. With that luxury we should be focused on getting money and being stable. I know you want to go to Pride, but this is where you meet in the middle. You save for one great extended trip and if you can make your local Pride which is more cost effective than traveling and paying for flights and sleep accommodation you can put that into your savings. We as gay people have very disposable incomes at times, but it’s nothing wrong with building a nest egg and insure your future with saving accounts, 401k’s and IRAs.



4. Marrying For Love, Not For Likes….

It’s been a considerable rise in gay marriage because of all the marriage equality bills and laws that have been passing. I think it is great, but why do we have to know and why are you investing to talk about your relationship in every way you possibly can in your personal post. It appears to me that people use their relationships to show off that someone actually cares about them, but what does that have to do with the rest of us? I feel like a marriage is private situation and I get the occasion photo, but I don’t know what you “cooked for bae” and I damn sure don’t give a fuck bae is a good man. Inadvertently some of gay men are silent auctioning their parents off to be snatched up by a much better man. Look we are happy you are married and in love, but we only want to hear from you on holidays and anniversaries. For my gay brothers that see it as inspirational, get a grip. Marriage is not a sweet deal, its 24 hour job, with no leave, no breaks, and co-dependent vacations. It is work and if you think it is all photo shoots, lovely post, and Instagram likes you are an idiot (there I said it).



5. Recognizing the Transgender Community….

What a coincidence that this is Transgender Remembrance Day where we recognize the trans men and women who have been murder or harmed in hate violence and crimes. People forget it is LGBT, not LGB. Transgender people rights are still under foot and their struggle is just as real. One in twelve trans people are killed in a violent crime and trans people have a 50% higher chance of being the victim of a hate crime than cis-gendered gay people. With all this said it is time to recognize and love or trans brothers and sisters. They are just as much family as the rest of us are.



6. Being Honest With Their HIV Statuses….

HIV isn’t spread through just unprotected sex, but through misinformation, lying, and ignorance. If you are HIV positive it is your due diligence to tell the person you are being sexually intimate with your status. In some states there are criminal laws, but there are still some states where there are not. Ultimately why would take the choice away from someone that was clearly taken from you? The only way we are going to beat this virus is if we are discussing it open it and honestly. We should take time to ask those questions and not to be afraid of rejection, besides who is really going to be mad at you because you gave them the choice to protect their health. Furthermore, if you are publicly worried about someone exposing you, just deny it. It’s your word against theirs. Little piece of advice my loves. It’s your responsibility to ask, it’s your responsibility to tell, and it’s your responsibility to protect yourself.



7. Coming to Peace with Our Families….

By the grace of God I was gifted with a family that was ok with my sexual orientation and didn’t lead to any major turmoil or loss of communication, but I know there are some of us who have lost touch with our families. Some of us it is completely or partially. We go through life missing a big part of ourselves. Family is so important as much as we think it’s not. At some point you may have to be the bigger person and reach back out them and see what you find. Parents change over time, some don’t, but you don’t want to keep going to bed at night thinking about it. If it is no reconciling at least you know, rather to continue to lose sleep.



8. Looking For Love Within….

Self-love is something that no one can give to you, but yourself. When you have the love within, you don’t search for things outside yourself to find completion. That can be material things, drugs/alcohol, sex, or empty romantic and platonic relationship. Spending time with you or keeping a journal was beneficial to my growth and embracing friendships with people who didn’t treat me as I wanted to be treated but as I should be treated as a perfect imperfect human being on this earth. Loving yourself requires that you don’t set boundaries but standards in your interactions and when they are unacceptable you simply do not interact. Self-love requires that you are patient with yourself and never see yourself as your worst enemy. It’s enough people out there trying to knock you down. So don’t line up side by side with them. Finally don’t be afraid to say no. It’s ok to say you can’t or aren’t ready to do something. Take your time in this life you have, it’s no one but you, your maker, and time. Enjoy yourself.





9. Loving On Our Feminine Brothers More….

Haphazardly we forget that without feminine, out, or drag queens where would our gay civil rights be today. We often forget and bash the feminine is the lower rank of gaydom, but we forget they have dressed us, made up our moms, decorated our homes, and even raised kids of their own. There just as an asset as anyone of us. Masculinity doesn’t mean you better than the next gay person; it is just a social attribute.  Remember no matter how different we are in this lifestyle we all play, played, and will play an essential part in it.



10. Accepting That They Are Not the “Cat Meow”….

For some reason when I go over dating profiles on gay dating/hookup sites and apps. Everyone always seems that they are offering something that none of us have seen or got before. As much as I pride uniqueness and being yourself, we all have ran across someone similar to another person we met in our lives prior to this current person. Nice bodies and big dicks are cute, hell masculine guys are cute, but when you start noticing the same lines on everyone’s page. You start to question, where is the originality and who are these clones? We have to understand that there is always someone better looking, more intelligent, richer, and a higher sexual prowess. Rather resting on the things that make us great. We should be finding other ways to be better as people and helping others to be better as well. It’s no harm when you are not only sharing the love, but sharing your greatness as well.


If I miss anything make sure you comment below.


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