1. Chasing Straight Men…..
With a consider bevy of men in 2014 and beyond there is no need to chase men who identify socially as straight. Gay men run the gamut of feminine to very masculine, so you have a great selection out there. Straight men that you try to convert turn into you either getting cursed out and possibly harmed or if you do get him to “convert” he was never straight in the first place and now will be a regular headache for you because you going to have to hold his hand through the whole gay experience. Good luck with that.
2. Using Masculinity as a Badge of Honor…..
So many times on dating/hook up platform you see “masc”, “masculine”, “masc dudes only”, etc. When you say masculine what you saying exactly? Minimally you are saying that your mannerisms are that of a man. I have found masculinity is usually only contained to that theory. Doesn’t mean you are mature, act your age, are goal driven, or don’t act a bitch or brat when you don’t get your way. Also the idea is subjective. So man dudes have so many requirements for what they expect of the idea of masculinity. Some want you in the closet of that you don’t go to clubs or prides. Even how you dress is a factor. So I guess I am leaving my skinny jeans at home huh? I just suggest that it’s loose term and if you are going to use it, expect it not to be on the same accord as many and expect to negotiate on the idea of it.
3. Assuming There Are No Tops…..
As a professed “progressive bottom” I have never given weight to this theory. I have been having sex with men a little bit before my 22nd birthday and to this day I have had no problems getting laid, fucked, dicked down, poked, smashed off, or whatever euphemisms you use for anal sex. Now do I think a lot of total tops exist, absolutely not, but neither do a lot of total bottoms either. Most gay men seem to be versatile in varying iterations with varying stipulations. My motto is “If you can get a hard dick and you want to put it in my ass, I don’t care what your label is.” Summarily I just want someone who can penetrate me and penetrate me well, even if he labels him a total bottom. I really don’t care.
4. Discussing the Wacky Diva-lympics….
One of my personal and major turn off when conversing with gay men. I understand conversations about who is the best music artist, performer, or dancer of all time is, but getting into an all out, dragged out, exchanging of words over the talent and relevancy of divas like Beyoncé, Janet, Rihanna, or Nicki Minaj will not happen. The gay men who have half a brain will not have a dialogue with you and take you seriously, especially if you are just getting to know you. Some favor intellectual sluggish men, but they are usually good in the sack. You can’t take them around your friends because they will say something completely stupid.
5. Relying On That Body….
Now I would be bullshitting if I wasn’t guilty of this but I have relied on my body in social media to get what I want, but I have never relied on it at the dismissal of my intelligence. It is unfortunate when you guys who can amass hundreds of hits on a photo, but can’t form a complete sentence or articulate a thought on national news and events. Nothing is wrong with being gorgeous at all, but with people who are looking for love and something deeper. Pretty won’t last you long if you can’t communicate well or are goal oriented outside of your physique or beauty regimen.
6. Insulting Other Minorities….
We as LGBT people need to stop this in general. As a Black American and coming from a history of civil rights movements and slavery. I think it is mighty weird for me to insult another minority group after all we have been through. If anything as Black Americans we should be leading the charge for all minority justices and tolerances. Most of us are already double minorities we would think we would be more tolerant. It’s a great thing to be kind and to embrace people who aren’t like you and it still doesn’t mean because of these associates that you any less pro-black or pro-gay
7. Thinking All DL Men Are Married and Closeted Weirdoes….
There are many men who choose to keep their sexual preferences private for a multitude of reasons. Doesn’t mean necessarily that they aren’t fully gay, they just have other priorities. Being gay is primarily who you have a romantic and sexual interest in. When you have an important job or your family would shun you if you were gay. Being closeted is essential. Some people would easily say if they don’t love you let them go, but when it comes to families it is something that is easier said, than done. Don’t let Oprah and Terry Macmillan lead you on to believe that there is a crazy DL agenda. It’s more hype than anything and usually those that are married and cheating on their wives are only doing this with men in similar situations.
8. Pointless Competing….
I am me and you are you. I don’t know if competition in gay men is because of testosterone or estrogen, but regardless of what it is, it is a problem. Whether if we are competing for how many men we sleep with, who has the best body, who gets the most numbers or attention, or gets the most likes in social media. If the competition isn’t for betterment it’s pointless. Our attributes as human beings will never be equally yoked. We have all distinct strengths and weaknesses, which makes us unique and special. No one can compete with something that is one of a kind. I think people should celebrate their uniqueness and what they bring to the world rather being concerned about what others are doing. You are your only competition.
9. Slut Shaming….
As a grown man with a very active sex life, I really don’t appreciate when guys want to make me feel bad because I am sexually active. Coupled with the fact that I’m a bottom make it even worse. I get highly annoyed by “bottom feminization”. I don’t care about a person’s body count at 34 years old. If you are getting tested regularly (every 6 months for moderate freaks, every 3 months hardcore freaks), who I am to judge? When you are having sexual interactions and no one is getting harmed and everything is done within consent in a very sex positive manner. I don’t have an opinion. Regardless if you have slept with 5 or 100 men it only takes only 1 time to get HIV or an STI. If someone who slut shames you for being a consenting and responsible adult, they have no room in your bedroom.
10. Body Shaming….
We are born into different body types. Some of us are naturally slim, thick, athletic or in between each type. We all should love ourselves where we at. As a person who understand body dysmorphic disorder. I understand there are going to be times you look in the mirror that you are not going to be happy with what you see. When you hear comments like you “You are so skinny.” “No FATS.” “I hate gym rats.” Don’t get discouraged. We all are on a journey each day to love ourselves a little bit more. If you don’t like someone for how they look, don’t even speak to them if you can’t be kind enough to say no the properly. We all are human beings with feelings. We should respect each other’s differences, instead trying to tear each other apart because they aren’t like you.
If there is anything you thought I miss I would love your thoughts in the comments below.