I have put off writing this for a month and this is my return since focusing on my YouTube Channel I wanted to write this as soon as my ex and I broke up, but I chose not to because I kind of hoped we would be cool again. I rarely hold grudges and after almost two months of no contact I found his number to be changed or out of service and I pray he is doing well.
So a few month ago a long standing friend and fuck buddy of mine decided that after all the profound conversations and love making that him and I would be a great match to be a couple. We had met in 2010 after a breakup I had but we consistently stayed in touch and even the times we were on Adam4Adam or Jack’d we innately were drawn to each other without seeing a photo. This New Year’s we hooked up in our last sexual tryst that let to us having a more communicative relationship. We talked more regularly and eventually we hooked up in May and soon made it official. We had a very short time of dating but it was a commitment even with the word love exchanged. He was a romantic cornball and I loved it. The first time we got to really talk about our thoughts we wrote commitment agreements to each other that I still have. It meant so much to me that he was invested in us. I think everyone will be so confused that why over a short time why I would be so pissed and harboring this but I will explain why.
After months of romantic bliss, one blow up, double dates, celebrating the friendly marriages, and meeting of friends and family it all came crashing down in one weekend. He was the person I had intended to spend the rest of my life with. He was articulate, intelligent, passionate, and protective. He respected the fact I was man but his bitch in the sheets and it made sense. I reveled in our love because it was great. The one disagreement we had, we diffused in hours afterwards and even followed up with a conversation the next day. I was wowed by the fact that he could communicate.
Or so I thought…..
The beginning of the end started when I went on a trip to Miami with a few close friends in late July. This trip was planned by my Facebook group that I administrate. It was long before he and I decided to be exclusive that I was going on this getaway with the fellas. I spent the day with him before I left and that Friday I was in Miami. We spoke Friday and Saturday. I’m the kind of lover that likes to check in. I am a firm believer that your partner should be able to reach you or find you wherever you are. On that Sunday I wasn’t getting any return phone calls or text messages even though he had time to post on Instagram. I eventually got back and finally got a text when I was in the air and he said that he had been busy with work and school. Still didn’t make sense that I hadn’t from him but no worries. I was hoping to see him that night. I was fresh ready to go text, calling but nothing, but his Instagram was still getting posted on.
I called my best girlfriend to talk me down because I was not only concerned but baffled. She recommended I take two Tylenol PMs, drink a glass of wine, and sleep it off. I tried for 4 hours. Something in my spirit told me to create a fake Jack’d account and look up his city. Since he had two roomies he was easy to find and there he was.
I put on my skinny jeans and a V-neck and drove to his crib which was 45 minutes from where I stayed. I stood outside of his place by my car and watched his bedroom window. I had previously hit him with the fake profile and he had responded saying “Sup shorty?” I’m literally stewing like Beatrix Kiddo in Kill Bill when she heard Sophie Fatale’s voice in the bathroom.
After ten minutes my anger bubbled and I knocked on his door. His roommate was cool, because he clearly had no idea what was going on. I waited until he got out the bathroom and asked where he had been? He felt I was going to go off so we took it outside to the balcony. I am not the type of dude to go off or cause a scene even though I had caused a minor one at 630 in the morning. As we went out to talk I was calm but going off. I didn’t cuss. I asked why I hadn’t heard from him, where he had been, and why he didn’t have time to respond to my text or phone calls but he could respond to some random nigga on Jack’d. My rage was blinding but all he gave me was silence. I walked out and left and he didn’t even stop me.
So much for love…..
I got in my car and proceeded to drive home and text him and I told him that I loved him but could not comprehend why pulled this stunt. He explained that he was very sorry and didn’t argue because he knew he was dead wrong. He said he had the Jack’d profile to keep tabs on me.
Now let’s talk about an essential part of the story that even I missed….
Over Fourth of July weekend we had to housesit for a girlfriend of his and during that weekend my Jack’d account I had was going off. I mean its DC on a holiday weekend and I was near the city so it was going off. I know you are like but you gave him reason not to trust you. I didn’t actually. I had the Jack’d account to promote this blog that you are reading and I knew that me taking a few risqué photos would get me hits and it did, but as soon as we started dated I put my clothes on in my photos and wrote on my profile that I was in a relationship so there was no misunderstandings. While I slept and of course he was up my app was going off. So that morning when we woke he asked me to delete it and so I did. I knew it was a conflict of interest for my dude so I did what was best even though it caused my hits on my blog to dwindle to damn near nothing. It was for the greater good so I did what I had to do to keep this dude happy and I wasn’t even remorseful about it because I had the man of my dreams.
Back to the present…..
With all that said he further exclaimed that because of our innate attraction that if and when I made another account I would find him, but that never happened. I haven’t been on Jack’d until I had to go find him actually. Still haven’t and even if that was the case I’m back from Miami so it should have been deleted as soon as I hit DC soil. He wanted my immediate forgiveness but I told him I needed time to think and I took 24 hours, but he wasn’t free that day so the following day we got up. I expressed my concerns and explained that with all things said if you were concerned you should have called.
If you were worried about my activities all you had to do was look at my Instagram because I posted damn near every few hours.
If you thought I was cheating you should have asked.
I am not the cheating type at all. I am disgusted by cheaters. I am a man of my integrity and if I choose to walk down that route I will tell you and soon after leave. That is a hell no one should deal with. I decided in that moment to forgive him but he had to rebuild my trust in him which he didn’t like that declaration too much.
Oh well and that was Thursday….
So Friday I hit him and asked what was his plans Saturday because we always spent them together except that one weekend I went to Miami. He said he would let me know. I was elated I was hoping to get things back to normal as soon as possible. We are adults and in our thirties so I expected better.
So Saturday nothing…….
Sunday not a damn thing a smoke signal or text message…..
Monday… paid in complete dust….
But Tuesday at 5:36pm I got a dry text saying “What’s up?”
Really that’s all this nigga got? I completely ended it on text. I told him I couldn’t do this anymore. I can’t handle the disappearing acts, the lack of communication, the worrying about where you are and I explained that I rather walk now while I still love you because if I stick around I will hate you and you will jade me and I won’t empower you with that or anyone. He went on to blame me and said that I checked out on him. I don’t know how though? I think he expected someone to put up with his shit and I wasn’t going to. I know my worth and I have been treated better by worst people so this remedial acrimony was not in my repertoire of things I was going to deal with. Insult to injury he proceeded to go on his Instagram and write a textgram about me. So you know I was even more irritated because I wasn’t going to discuss it public.
I loved him and for a time I thought I had made a short sighted decision. A week later I guess both of my better exes felt something in the ether. One showed up at my job unexpectedly and the other had called. I explained all these events and both were pissed. They said I made the right decision and they both have loved me and still love me and to hear something so foolish to take place they understood why I ended it.
Personally we hadn’t dated that long for me to deal with that. I have been in real love before so anything less wasn’t healthy for me. I understood my ex had insecurities and fears and I was cool about it because we discussed them, but if he wasn’t ready he shouldn’t have agreed to a commitment or even saying he loved me. I am big boy I don’t even expect someone to say they love me back.
Do I hate him?
Do I want to crack his jaw for wasting my time and then foolishly allowing him to integrate himself in to my life?
The lesson is this to communicate in a relationship even if it hurts and if you don’t want to. Give the person the fair chance to know you and love you. When you don’t communication you take the power out of their hands to get to know you and ergo here we are split and pissed off. I do take some fault. Some of the signs were there in the little things he would say and how he would respond to things. I know better and I will do better.
Just a little advice lovelies.
You deserve the right to be happy and loved and no one ever has the right to harm you or heart. We all the best and even for a time it’s focusing on a relationship with yourself.
Peace and Hair Grease,