We all know safe sex is the use of contraceptives to prevent sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies. My question is with all those things why is sex still unsafe?
Recently I have gone through a breakup and as of now I am not ready to discuss it (still processing), but I have slowly began the urge to have sex again. Let’s be honest. I am a man and like most men I think about sex and I am consider the act 70% of the day. Lately I have been afraid of getting back out there and sleeping around again with new people. Not because of the obvious but because of a fear that I will form a romantic attachment after coitus especially if we are connecting on the regular. Romantically I don’t want to date but I want to make love. You know what I mean, that Barry White-Secret Garden-Love Jones awesomeness with scents and candles in the air. I think about it all the time, but alas I am not totally there yet.
I have found over the years within my own sexual experience that sex can be a major compromise for me. I seem to get lost in sex and even my own emotions. The first time I had sex I was on the eve of twenty-two. It was not a great experience and being that I grew up so sexually repressed I was over the ideal of sex for months, damn near a year. Eventually I tried again and I reveled in the idea of it. Sex became fun and an adventure.
Sadly I started to become empty. It’s like I expected that all the sex I had I would find love. I equated that being great in bed would make me a great lover and that would lead me to be in a relationship. So yes I did sleep around, but I got to certain points that I would stop. I felt like I was compromising my spirit and energy and inadvertently drowning myself out all for pleasure. I found that a lot of sex to be a very unhealthy thing for me. Things should be done in moderation even if it’s a good thing.
When in the act of sex, whether if you want to call it fucking or making love there is a part of you that is unceremoniously sacrificed. It’s almost like an eye for an eye, an orgasm for an orgasm. I think it’s a part of the reason we form attachments with each other when have sex and why we can be destroyed when it isn’t consensual. Sex is a powerful gift and I believe in most of our experiences we squander it on people who are less than worthy. Years ago I had sex with this dude I met randomly at a New Year’s party I was bartending. And when I tell you this brother was hot and tall and chocolate and Caribbean. Let’s just say I lost my mind a little. I have never seen fine like that and up close and personal. Suffice to say we started a sexual relationship and it soon was me looking for something deeper. I was mistaken. He was only cool with the sex. I ended up breaking it off with him totally to spare my feelings. Let’s just admit that I’m soft for a dark skin dude with a smile. I became “dicknotized” and if you ever been in that space before you know how intoxicating it can be.
After that ordeal I tried to strategically have sex partners so I wouldn’t lose my emotions again and it worked for some time off and on through the years.
So now we are up to date and my relationship wiped my sexual energy clean. When I was with my now ex we had explosive sex. Sex so good to the point that I gave up every part of my spirit and I think it made me more vulnerable to not loving him but committing absolutely to him. Now dealing with the aftermath my heart and soul is still comingled with his. It was a side effect of the love making we did. So now I sit in this limbo of wanting to make love but not knowing if it’s appropriate yet. I guess sex even with protection is not safe.
Peace and Hair Grease,