The last year has been a hellish routine of dealing with my family. I have seen things fall apart from the closeness we once had. My siblings are not seeing eye to eye (myself included) and serious warring and feuding have all come to a head. I have come to the conclusion that I need to back up and let them to be for a while. It breaks my heart that things got so bad but this post isn’t what this is about.
With all the inner turmoil with my “immediates” I have subconsciously and innately been building my friends to become the makeshift replacement for my family. Let’s be clear, they are clones by no means but a healthy relationship because I had to handpick them all. You get to the point when you only want healthy experiences and people in your space. I choose to be healthy and happy and I find that many people don’t choose this.
So almost two years ago I started a facebook group with a five other friends from another group that I have gotten extremely close with and since then it has built into forty members of progressive black gay/bi men. Most of the men were invited by me and some by others. In the grand scheme of it all I developed some very close friends and attachments, even people that I call friend. I haven’t had close male friends in years and it’s great to actually spend time and space with people that I have to quarrels with and we can agree to disagree and still care and look out for each other.
I find that friendships have to be honored the same way you honor romantic relationship. You have to be patient, understanding, fair and have a good objective ear. It’s not always about your ego or a competition, it’s about making your life better and easier and embracing people that will uplift you as you will to them.
Even with my platonic friendships two of my exes have become amazing friends and have been the beacon of trust when because they know my romantic heart and my worth. They have always looked out for my best interests and even if we are not seeing each other or going for drinks they are very much accessible and constantly check in on me. Both them dated me at my worst and still loved me and even though we are no longer a couple the sentiment and respect for one another is still there because the sentiment and respect was ingrained into our romantic dealings.
Now don’t get me wrong there are a lot of dudes, but there are females as well. I wrote about one in particular here ( https://roddklever.com/2012/10/19/where-is-your-rae/ ). Rae and I have been friends and eternally will be. She is not someone I will ever grow out of and with her friend Queet we have all become very close.
I knew I had found the right people in my life when I found love and the mathematics of my life started to blend without any friction. I have since stopped looking to my biological family for approval and have started on my own journey that involves me and the people who want to be loved by me (let’s be honest, everyone does not want your love or encouragement). It’s like we have become a group of proverbial super friends and we always look out for each other, because we all have the same agenda. To be better than we were yesterday and grow as a team.
So my question is do you have any people like this in your life that are transcended the need for blood relation and you trust more than your own family with your spiritual and social growth? And if you do what are your tips to nourishing those relationships?