The Kermit Complex


So anyone that knows me knows I love a thick sassy woman. It’s like I have an innate gravitation to them. I didn’t notice this until I realized that most of my closest female friends and even my best friend was this archetype. When I really took an inventory of all my the women in my life that I either befriended or had an attraction to, it was thick sassy type. Now don’t get me wrong I think my slim sisters are beautiful but something about a woman with curves from head to toe is just amazing to me. I remember as a kid my first girlfriend when I was in preschool was a girl named Ivy Phillips..

Where she is now? I have absolutely no clue.

She was healthy toddler though. I can’t remember her face anymore but she was thick and it’s so funny my mom knew I had an obsession with Ms. Piggy as a kid and I always saw myself as a Kermit the Frog type. Just a slim pushover for the woman I loved. I don’t know if I gravitated to these women because I came from a family of healthy sized women or if the psychosis was that I was a momma’s boy and I wanted someone who felt and reminded me of mom dukes.

My mom in my eyes has always been a strong woman. Confident, sexy, and definitely socially engaging (I get my social skills and swag from her all day long I must say). I remember watching my mom socialize and if with a man she always had this charisma and glow and to this day she still is a charmer with a great smile.

So then I look at my female friends. They are all women with incredible beauty and self awareness and to add most of them can cook their asses off like mom dukes can. Which I simply adore by the way. They all have great style and habe very brassy and ballsy personalities but manage to remain demure and lady like at all times.

I wonder do I also gravitate to these women because I know I will get a good meal and let’s be real…

How many thick girls you know that can’t throw down in the kitchen? I can say I know about one, but that’s it. Then the way they hug and embrace. I’m sorry, a thick woman gives the best fucking hugs. EVER! Then with a thick woman you guaranteed tits or ass or both and how can you pass that up. Yes Miss Piggy can be a little neurotic, but that’s apart of her charm. Honestly she only trips out when she doesn’t have Kermit’s attention or someone is trying to get too close to her beau and cool, calm, and collected Mr. the Frog wouldn’t want her any other way. That’s to me is what makes them amazing and then these women as well always seem to love on me in spite of any adversity.

So can I call this a clinical problem?

Can I say I have an innate obsession and a need to convalesce and commune with said type of woman?

Do I think myself and Kermit the Frog are eternally invested and chasing the Ms. Piggys of the world? Yes.

So I leave you with this quote from this porcelain pig that sits in my moms house.

“Thin may be in, but fat is where it’s at.”

Peace and Hair Grease,
Rodd Klever


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