Not a blog I ever intended writing but you like to hear it? Here it go.
I have been a consistent Christian for about six years now. I tell you it’s a job. I grew up catholic, went to Sunday school and even made it to communion. My maternal grandfather is a devout Catholic and I wouldn’t love him any less. My mom was more of liberal person and instilled many values of integrity and morality without bible beating me or throwing holy water on me and yelling, “The power of Christ compels you!”
I believe in God but I didn’t always have an extensive relationship with Him. Instead of lived by my own moral code which is much higher than most people I notice. Honestly I shouldn’t pride myself on it, but I know that people emotionally, socially, and spiritually irresponsible.
My relationship with Christ started during my last major relationship. I dated a proverbial “holy roller” and before I knew it I was going to church every weekend, owned a bible, and prayed every opportunity I got (with a hint of repentance), but it came at a cost. I became guilty for who I was and life I was living. I shut my world down. Shut out majority of my friends and damn near disappeared from all my social circles minus the ones with my family and a close friend. It was depressing. That’s when you start hearing words like.
I felt like a walking leper. I actually felt worst knowing what I know now from my studying in the bible. The complexities of Christianity made feel like no matter what I did I was a horrible person. My ex used to say you shouldn’t feel this bad or sad you should be happy because you saved your immortal soul. It was always a look of complacency when that was said. In this moment at time my “flesh” was weak and needed to be at peace now. Not in the hereafter.
We eventually broke up, but amicably. We are still friends to this day but that has nothing to do with this story.
We broke up towards in the third quarter of 2009 and it was three year live in relationship. The problem wasn’t so much the break up which I thought would set me free, but I felt so stuck in the dogma my ex had put in my head. I followed my journey with Christ alone. It became just me and my NIV bible with a little faith and hell of a lot of guilt. Still going to church regularly and tithing and spending time in one of his homes (church) was heartbreaking.
On the day I decided to give my church was when the pastor’s daughter goes into this rant about homosexuality and how she was a Leo. Anyone who has read enough of the bible should know that believing in astrology and studying it is a sin and does the devil. I found it so contradicting that this person in front of me was condemning the lifestyle of others and perpetrating a falsehood in front of the eyes of hundreds. And like lambs to the slaughter they cheered on both accords. I sat in church baffled. At the end of service I left and never returned to the four walls of mans arrogance. God and therefore Christ had nothing to do with what was housed in the building that was erected for His glory.
I tried another church but I understood it wasn’t for me and that I was to handle my relationship with Christ privately. It was hard seeking the balance of being a mortal and being a child of God. Honestly it took me three years to understand my spiritual self. Who at my core is really Rodd Klever.
I came to some understandings.
That if you take care of those around you they will take care of you.
You do reap what you sow. It is an inevitability.
Random acts of kindness and charity not only make you feel good, but shows whatever god you believe in that you care for someone other than yourself.
Your relationship with God is private and not meant to be shared or understood with everyone.
Speak of your experiences especially those overcoming failure moments.
Befriend everyone especially those who have it harder than you. Jesus never ran to the kings to help, but to the streets to the people who really needed him. No one is beneath you we are all in this struggle together.
Love is love, love. Love everyone and everything you do with passion, care , and consideration even yourself.
and above all…
God is love.
God loves everyone beyond our missteps, sins, errors, and backsliding. He knows some of us have good intentions, but circumstances have slowed us down to getting to our successes. I know I am not perfect and some of things I put out in this forum may not be perfect but if it helps one person to do better I have done God’s will and I can die peacefully. He didn’t intend for us to be hard on ourselves but to do better and to get out of our own way sometimes you feel me?
Whatever way you decide to find God, whether it is in a place of worship or in your own personal time. Find him it will make the long days shorter and the sadder days less defeating.
Peace and Hair Grease,