“Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.” – Emily Dickinson
So dating in the world of “Thirty” is anything less than fantastical at times. By this stage of your life you hopefully have some comfortability with who you are, accept it, and are definitely working on making yourself better, but as I said; “I hope.”
The strangest thing keeps happening where I keep meeting these late 20-somethings and 30-somethings that have never experienced a quality relationship with an inevitable hardcore break up where they got dumped or had to leave for their own self-preservation. It is as if lack they romantic experience, like on a job application. I find that they have this warped ideal of what a relationship should look like and how it should go. They are usually prone to playing “house” or “boyfriend and girlfriend”. It will take more than that to make a relationship to work.
When I date or I have someone of interest I always probe to see if they have had any serious relationships prior to meeting me and I pray they do. Then I have to probe and see if they are still jaded behind it or they simply have learned from it. I don’t think you can anything call any relationship serious if you haven’t more than physical year with someone. Like you got key to their place or you live together or you are chill alone together where you witness all their idiosyncacies. Those moments when it is just you and them you see their core who they are, but from experience I hope you are asking questions to see who they are because sometimes they are still hiding behind somewhat of a mask and are still only letting you see what they want you to see. Ultimately I romantically seek these types out I don’t want to deal with someone I have to “love” break them in.
SIDEBAR: The jaded, I don’t have time for. They are ultimately just great for sex and the occasion date because they make great convo and are a hell of a piece of arm candy.
Now the ones who have had their hearts broken and have learned from it (myself included) and are ready to love are the perfect ones to catch. This is the only time in life that something broken is worth the purchase. People who have sincerely lost at love and came back from it are the best lovers. They know what they need from a lover and understand their own fears and apprehensions, but are not controlled by them at all. They are willing to work so hard at keeping the right one if they stumble upon them but often times we don’t.
Being so attuned to your romantic wants and desires are seriously a gift and a curse. The jaded or the ones in bad relationships will tell you that you can’t have those things. They will try to shut down all thoughts of you being happy because they are unhappy (also these types don’t make great friends either so run, no one like a Negative Nate or Nancy). What does their defeat have to do with your victory? We all live or lives individually and sure there are coincidences and happenstance, but we can take our love lives as far as we want and know that there is someone out there for us. We can have what we want. With a little prayer, duct tape, twine, and faith anything is possible.
I know at times it seems we live in a world full of broken hearts and regrets and people who never really take time to the resolve the pain in their hearts. Trust me I know about the rebound relationship they can be great when coming down from the high of another, but once that is caput then what? Some of us continue to be broken or ones with broken hearts and there is nothing like having a heart even if it is broken and bruised.
Peace and Hair Grease,