Cuffing Season: Reloaded

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So you know we all thought this was a rumor. Hell I did until one weekend it got real. So let me explain this for those who don’t know.

Cuffing season is an event when men and/or women are in the pursuit in sealing a regular lover at the end of the summer. This pursuit usually begins when a person has had all their fun during the summer and wants something more serious. The process goes further to the exclamation that during cuffing season the relationship is destined to end at the break of spring or up until the day before Valentine’s Day.

I heard a lot of rumors of friends miraculously finding love and settling down with a mate. I found it intriguing. I was happy but I noticed a trend. Is everyone getting cuffed? Folks who have had no desire to date since I have known them have been popping up with new chicks and beaus on their arms. I think cuffing season is a new existence because I have never heard it until this year.

I was thinking was I going to get cuffed?

Was I next?

It was like some weird cupid looking ninja was going to sneak up on me… Then proceed to fire an arrow or dart in my ass and I soon pass out and wake up booed up. I am not easily bamboozled or hoodwinked or led astray AT ALL. I actually would like to date but I know it will take a specific type to manifest the love and relationship that I desire.

But anyhow I digress.

So mind you I am having these thoughts around September I realized that the moment has passed and cuffing season was caput. Life resumed to normal. Work, gym, work, Rae and I laughing, blogging, gym, work, twitter, gym, Rae and I laughing… You know my usual shenanigans. So I want to say the first weekend of November my homeboys and I decide to hit up a club off the humble. I mean for real humble, like unplanned, like Azreal sneaking up on smurf village without notice and Gargamel in a smock chillin in his crib without him knowing humble. So we get to the club. I don’t know who the DJ was but he was playing Bad Boy era hip hop so you know I was getting loose.

Then they started playing Nicki Minaj so I immediately lost interest in dancing. So I decide to commune with the fellas but I realize no one is nowhere to be found so that means I got to go find them. After lapping the club a few times I got nothing until I ran into an old flame I used to smash like around 23 or 24 years old. I was happy to see them hell I’m happy to see anyone I had great sex with. So we chatted and they was like why we aint never get married or have kids?

*Looney Tunes glass shatters sound

I’m like what? I explained we was fucking you didn’t want to fuck anymore and I don’t chase when folks want to get stingy with sex because clearly I’m fucking you on the regular and asking for it so I must have been interested.

Let the record show I have never been too proud to beg especially if it’s good and like every good dog in my hay day I could be extremely loyal.

Eventually that night we exchanged numbers again. So I knew I had to go and get back to my folks, but while walking around I got folks feeling me up. I even had this chick rub on my chest and another pull on my beard. Mind you I am extremely sober because I don’t drinking hard when I’m driving solo.

I came to the conclusion that cuffing season was in stage two or reloaded for that matter.

Folks had become semi-desperate when the temperature dropped in the DMV.

Prior to all this I was waiting for my homeboys because I got their early so I’m sitting in my car and I’m talking a new “friend” but its platonic as so I thought until they said don’t be in there giving my stuff.

PAUSE GRANDDAD!

Your stuff?

So you know I was flattered because I did think this person was hot but I wasn’t going to make no moves unless I knew them better. I’m slow pimping now so I don’t rush myself head first into anything now.

All and all folks… this all happened to be in one night over a 3 hours period and imagine if I peeked my head out of the sand on a regular I could imagine what kind of trouble I would be in.

Piece of advice cuffing season is real and definitely meant to be respected and be careful you may be next.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Peace and Hair Grease,

Rodd Klever

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