Destiny Deferred

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You know when you meet that person and he/she is great. They embody all the things you look for in a mate and even the imperfections make them perfect. Sadly they don’t know the greatness of their own simplicity. I have been single for the past 18 months and to honest I’m not jaded or pissed or defeated or upset. I am still hoping to fall in love and meet that person that will breathe the air I breathe, be that best friend that I have never had before, be that lover that in spite of the times they are disagreeing with me they still love and adore me. I am the hopeless romantic.

My ultimate concern is to meet someone who isn’t ready.

I am no longer looking for a coupling or a boyfriend/girlfriend deal, but someone I can grow into a husband/wife situation. I am not interested in building something that will fall apart and unhinge in 2 – 4 years. I am not getting any younger and to honest I want a family, a home, and modest fulfilling lifestyle. I need stability and true unconditional love.

When it comes to love I go with my gut. If I meet someone and I like them, I mean really like them. I commit to them, whether they know it not. Not in the way that would I need to acknowledge it, but they will have my undivided attention. I’m not the type of dude that likes to date. When I want you I do my best to keep you and to be very distinct, either we are in a loving relationship or we are just fuck buddies. I won’t teeter in between.

The drawback of being this self-aware and sure, is that most are not. They have no idea of the person they want to be with besides the physicality and physique, they haven’t forgiven themselves or past lovers, they have so much emotional baggage they can’t even check into the airport of true love. With all this they still make an attempt to date. They hold you in this relationship that ultimately fails and guess what I just lost time on finding the person I need to be with and also I have to take down time after this to heal, then I can date again. Real talk, that time period is subjective for everyone. They say it takes the half the time of your relationship to get over it. I found that to be a lie because my first real relationship that I ever had lasted 7 months and it took me two years to get over it. The bitch burned me bad, dumped me, and has the nerve to this day to still hate me, regardless of the truth that they cheated on me and dumped me on my birthday. -___- Talk about someone who pissed, I had to talk mom dukes about that one. She saved the day as usual. LOVE YOU LIZZIE. (that’s her nickname)

What I am saying ultimately America. If you are not ready to love this person, let them go. It’s not fair you hold them from their destiny of the perfect mate and life.

It’s not fair you have their heart shelved while they wait to experience true-head spinning-unadulterated-compassionate-can’t live without you love. (I have experienced unconditional love and let’s say they are the only exes I still communicated with, they just weren’t lovers, they were friends.)

It’s not fair that you cheat on them, put them through emotional hell why they wait vigilantly at home waiting for you to turn up.

It’s not fair you they take care of you and support your dreams and desires and you can’t even help them with the home you share or the raising of your children.

With all the adversity my two last relationships caused and all my personal problems, internal and external, I still have the full capacity of love in me. Yes, I am scared… Yes, I am afraid…. But my desire to be one with someone is not crippled by the mistakes of my past. I am human, I make mistakes, I have made poor judgments in character of the people I have been with. Some of them I didn’t love enough and others I loved too much. Now that the dust is settled I know who I want to be with and I promise to never settle for less.

I ask you is it fair that you defer their destiny?

Peace and Hair Grease,

R.K.

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4 thoughts on “Destiny Deferred

  1. Wow. Yeah…I think I have done this…more than once. Kind of using the man as a placeholder. I let them go bc it was unfair and believe me Karma taught me on that one because I received it back seven fold. This one bright tears to my eyes because it bright back up a lot of issues I have yet to come to terms with. I dont want any emotional baggage – just 2 carry ons , my sons. I’m ready to fly…

  2. Thats real strength right there, my only question is, what happens when your faced with someone who may or may not know them self, as you said, are not as self aware, and with it being plain to see, would you still risk it? Would you still invest your time and energy into something that has potential to be the best experience and life long venture or could also be an extended journey? Cause no matter what we do, love is still the biggest gamble of them all…

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