Being Dumped/Broken Hearts/Heart Broken

Image

Lately a close friend of mine ended a relationship that he thought the world of, I see how my boy is hurt, but he is handling it well and proactively and I know he has youth on his side so he will persevere.

Then another close friend had posted a question (via facebook) asking how you heal a broken heart?

I of course wrote on the subject and honestly I think you never do. Its like a piece of you is always with them and you never get it back.  I have been trying to get over my own to be honest. There is a false belief that men are tough as nails and we don’t feel any “deep” emotional processing. In fact I feel men are more emotionally imbalanced than women at times and we don’t have great coping mechanisms in our lives to deal with things. I notice women have their Sex and the City nights and sit and bond and cry, erstwhile we men watch sporting events and strippers and cope? Not to be breaking man law, but that does not work. It’s like we only open ourselves up to a very close homeboy and if not that a sibling or our mothers. So we proceed with business as usual like nothing is going on when we are truly screaming inside or make ill-advised moves to supplement the hollowness.

To be honest my past two relationships truly did me in. More than I thought and only through the trials of the ones around me, I am having this bizarre upheaval of all my emotions and resentments.

I remember when I was a seeker of love and how I invested everything into it. I was for a lack of a better that dude.

You know when you look into that person’s eyes and you see forever…

You see marriage…

You envision your kids and how they act….

You imagine you two at old age on a porch talking shit to each other and still madly in love…

I have been that type of dude. I always hope for the best. My last relationship rubbed me so raw I still feel some kinda way about it. Realistically I know you can’t control the actions of another, but damn when I tell you, and I know most of you know or in some capacity know what that feeling is.

You look forward to seeing them…

You rearrange a whole day of personal time with yourself to get just a minute of them…

And they reciprocate…

Then without bang or whimper they are gone. I have always been the one dumped. Maybe they were saving me from a future headache or they knew in their heart of hearts we shouldn’t be together, but nonetheless as the end result I always left alone and forced to pick up the pieces. It’s nothing worse than trying to turn scrap into diamonds and gold, laughter and smiles, redemption and forgiveness. You get so far from center trying to repair everything while this processes the daily events that you get complacent with idea of ever doing it again.

Recently I turned 32 and I find myself in this place where I’m so “whelmed” with love, not over or under, just “whelmed”. Let me break it down to you like this. You know how you got that roommate you live with and you see them. It’s like yeah… how are you… if you pass each other and if you are home at the same time, but love is like that best friend or homeboy. You seek out this person when you seem them there is an excitement in the air and joy will a spiritual calm because you understand each other. Even if you argue and intensely disagree you still fuck with each other and can agree to disagree and tomorrow it’s a brand new day, but with a roommate if see them you see them. If you do great.. if not great. That’s exactly how I feel.

I am neither here nor there…

Not left or even right…

Never complimenting or complaining….

It’s like I envy the folks who loved ones have passed. I know strange, but at least you have definitive closer. You just have to work past living without them and probably mourn and grieve them. I am not at all minimizing your feelings because that is a very complex place to be and I have those around me who have been thru that and it’s pretty and it’s not easy AT ALL.

I ask you America, how are you to grieve and mourn a living person? Especially when the split was amicable and mature. You either hopelessly fill the void with nonsensical things or you confront the hurt head on. Even with all that said….

You sometimes and somehow develop a strange fear of seeing them or seeing them with someone else. Your life almost seems like a conspiracy or an eternal set-up. Like you are Jason Bourne trying to find out this untouchable truth.

You want to run…

You want to hide…

Damn near relocate and start over without them or anyone co-mingled in the situation…

One day I looked in the mirror and I found that I was still licking my wounds. Some were healed of course with time, others festering like a herpes rash, visual yes, but the like an outbreak and a romantic flashback you never see it coming… and… BAM you are in that moment all over again.

You feel all the kisses…

All the love you every made…

The places you have gone…

The places you wanted to go…

You remember how you met…

The first argument…

When they cried…

When you wanted to…

You may haphazardly get over it depending how invested you were in that person but I know me.

Im 100% in… ride or die… life or death… come heaven come hell… I’m down for you, but like I said Im the one getting dumped.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Being Dumped/Broken Hearts/Heart Broken

  1. WOW!!! I wish I could heal those wounds. I know this sounds cliche but “time heals all wounds”. The most memorable heartbreak I had from a previous boyfriend was infidelity. The infidelity broke my confidence (which I have truly never regained). Anyway, after time went by I realized he was not a good guy anyway and the infidelity probably saved me from more pain. Even though it is so hard to heal from heartbreak, look at every past relationship as a lesson. Try to heal by talking it out or even crying it out. Then learn from the previous relationship. One day your mate will come. It may not be today, it may not be for a while but love in its true form will come.

  2. Good post love!!! But as Dr. Seuss says – wherever you go, there you are. I realized I couldn’t run from myself, my heartbreak, all of the happenings. You KNOW I KNOW what it feels like to be dumped/left etc – I could list all of the atrocities I have seen, but there’s no need to rehash all of that. I say all of that to say, I believe you’re on the right path. Healing is a process. It takes time. There’s no time frame or limit to it.

    There’s not much you can do when it comes to other people. They do what they will do. I think it’s all about discernment and how you choose to handle everything when it all falls out. I have recently really banked and decided that I will consider it all joy and that you were spared in some way from mayhem & foolishness.

    Or that maybe, they were just there for me to learn a lesson or assist and I’m sending them on their way. I’ve also realized, many, no most, of them should have never been able to get that close to me in the first place.

    With all of that said, it’s the best thing when you’re the type of person who’s 100% in love. The only downfall is that we don’t run into those of like spirit and heart all of the time. But baby, you shall have no regrets in the end. I would rather have loved hard and it all fall to pieces, than have the regret of thinking I could have done more.

    Love you! This sounds like one of the many convos we used to have on the corner of N&W….

    And a few quotes (because I love quotes):

    “There are no regrets in life, just lessons.” ~ Jennifer Aniston (since you called someone her last night…LOL)

    “You’d think, ‘What if I make a mistake today, I’ll regret it’. I don’t believe in regret, I feel everything leads us to where we are and we have to just jump forward, mean well, commit and just see what happens.”
    ― Angelina Jolie

    “Heartbreak could be lived with if it weren’t accompanied by regret.”
    ― Laura Kasischke, The Raising

  3. Loved this post. I’m recently out of a seven year relationship. My heart is broken, but most of all I’m just pissed. I saw all of the things you mentioned, marriage, kids and just overall happiness. But, apparently someone has other plans for me.

    I have no regrets because I know I gave my all in that situation. I know I will never fully recover, because lets face it seven years is a long ass time to be with one person. But I know in my heart that I have to move on. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let this experience ruin something that could be good with someone else, but only time will tell.

  4. This brought tears to my eyes. I am the one that always gets dumped when I’m in relationships. But in my case there were always signs. Signs thats he wouldn’t or couldn’t love me the way that I needed and wanted to be loved. I love so hard – maybe too hard. Since the split with my sons father – I have had my heart shattered twice – in a three year period. Thing is – I was no where near healed from one relationship before I jumped into the next. I was broken into a million pieces and instead of repairing myself I looked to someone else to heal my heart. I was a mess. But I’ve learned from the heart attacks. But in a way it made me impermeable. I still have a ways to go – I’m not ready to subject myself to that possible pain again…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s