Now just a little disclaimer…
There is at no time that I think I am above learning new things or that I am not open minded to varying opinions, but…
Most times people can’t tell me shit.
I am a very strong willed and convicted person. I am very confident in most of the decisions I make and even the things I put forth in this forum. Lately I have found people giving me their open opinions about my actions or decisions I have made without really knowing much about me or my agendas and/or motivations. I get bothered when people give an answer to a statement. I am not nor have I been the grammatical genius but I know what a question mark is used for and its purpose. I am very secure and mature to ask for help or insight, but usually I prefer to ask people who know who I am and my background and above all my heart. I rarely ask strangers for their opinions or insight unless that is their expertise.
The thing of giving someone your opinion is that it has to be subjective to the person’s experience who is asking the question. Sure you provide your own experience to counter balance possibilities of outcomes but most times there is no way to plan for the outcome. Not just in terms of how the outcome of events turn out, but everyone’s emotional capacities are different. So for you to expect someone to respond the same way you do is near impossible. Yes there are coincidences in our experiences in life but no two life stories will ever be the same.
Another reason I feel that people can’t tell me shit is because I always and I mean ALWAYS….
Play out everyone possible positive and negative outcome…
Mentally prepare for a fall out if I am wrong…
Develop a clear exit strategy…
Put my pride to the side…
Have a relative back up alternative…
And finally… I have bounced my decision off my friends before I make any moves because they know my strengths and weaknesses.
I can barely think of the decisions I have made in my thirties that I regret or wish I could undo. I can live with them and when making decisions you have to learn to live with them especially if they go wrong. There are so many things big and small you have to think of.
Like taking that promotion…
Relocating to that new location…
Posting that naughty photo on social media…
Buying that home…
Breaking up with someone…
Not putting on that condom with that not so special someone…
What school your kids attend…
Overeating at McDonald’s…
Regardless of how small you think a decision is they can have far reaching benefits and consequences to your livelihood, your heart, your health, to your pockets, and even your social circles. One thing my sister said to me when I was in my twenties was, “Know your limitations.” I really took that to heart. Sometimes it’s great to know what you can’t do or handle. It doesn’t mean you are weak or inferior just at that time and space that said thing isn’t for you and you always can return to the idea later.
One bit of advice I can give you is to avoid taking insight from fools or people who haven’t overcome a decision you are currently walking through. The blind leading the blind is real as shit. I see it every day in the post on Facebook. I behoove anyone to get the point that no one can’t tell you shit. It’s not just a beautiful feeling, it is liberating.
Peace and Hair Grease,
A few days ago I celebrated my 33rd year on God’s green earth. Instead of spending the evening in libations and people I decided to stay home and clean. I really just needed time to think.
Who am I?
Where am I going?
Who do I want to be?
How can I be better?
I stayed inside my head all day and with my thoughts. I rarely have time to think and even just to be still. I just do what I do and keep moving, but in those moments when I get to stop are the most magical.
The last year of my life has been great. I will not rehash the things that were said in my New Year’s blog (Simply Twenty Twelve), but I will say that betrayal can come from anywhere. Betrayal can happen regardless of time spent and earned with a person. I close friend of mine who I have had a tumultuous thirteen year friendship with ended. Some of my friends made me feel at blame and that I should have done more to stop him from walking away. I firmly believe if people can easily walk out your life, let them walk on. I am glad that even still people are revealing who they really are with little to no effort at all. I miss my homeboy but I am not in the space to coddle the egos of adults.
I looked back over the past thirty-three years and thought of the decisions I have made. There are little to no regrets I believe God intends all things to happen to build character and adversity so we can evolve, but I am getting too old for minor missteps. I can’t let me money get funny, hang out with lackluster ill-hearted people, or get caught up in other people’s insecurities.
I have to live for me.
Pursue my joys and dreams and goals.
I will admit very candidly I do have one solid regret. I regret staying in DC all my life. I have never lived anywhere else and honestly I have only been outside the country once. The reasons I stayed in DC was the closeness I have with my family. My family at this moment is splintered and honestly I don’t view anyone the same anymore. I love them because that’s who I am, but I do not like the women they have become. Being the only boy and the youngest has been great but they discount my experience too much at times. I am more keyed into real life than my siblings and parents and being around them sometimes, which I haven’t but with one sibling, leads me to instantly get irritated because they never confront issue when they arise with any kind of maturity, compassion, and understanding. They haven’t let go of their past to forge their futures and the resentment is so obvious they can’t even see it and it hurts even more because they won’t trust me to help them. I am speaking from someone who has overcome his own adversities in life. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been a fight worthwhile.
So next year I am deciding to relocate. I need a serious break and a healthy distance from my family. My friends have become the family I have needed in the last four years and honestly without any of them I don’t know who or where I would be without them. I am also taking the time away so I can further flush out who I am. My identity has been so transfixed sometimes on being in a family unit. Now the question is who I am without that back up?
So I ask you to try to challenge yourself, your surroundings, and the people who say they love you or befriend you.
Work through your regrets, forgive yourself, redeem yourself, and move forward.
Understand that not everyone has your best interest at heart and regardless of how long you have known each other.
And above all, if you want to do it, DO IT. Live your life because you only got one.
I do want to say thank you to all the people have truly known my heart and supported my growth. You know who are.
Peace and Hair Grease,
Not a blog I ever intended writing but you like to hear it? Here it go.
I have been a consistent Christian for about six years now. I tell you it’s a job. I grew up catholic, went to Sunday school and even made it to communion. My maternal grandfather is a devout Catholic and I wouldn’t love him any less. My mom was more of liberal person and instilled many values of integrity and morality without bible beating me or throwing holy water on me and yelling, “The power of Christ compels you!”
I believe in God but I didn’t always have an extensive relationship with Him. Instead of lived by my own moral code which is much higher than most people I notice. Honestly I shouldn’t pride myself on it, but I know that people emotionally, socially, and spiritually irresponsible.
My relationship with Christ started during my last major relationship. I dated a proverbial “holy roller” and before I knew it I was going to church every weekend, owned a bible, and prayed every opportunity I got (with a hint of repentance), but it came at a cost. I became guilty for who I was and life I was living. I shut my world down. Shut out majority of my friends and damn near disappeared from all my social circles minus the ones with my family and a close friend. It was depressing. That’s when you start hearing words like.
I felt like a walking leper. I actually felt worst knowing what I know now from my studying in the bible. The complexities of Christianity made feel like no matter what I did I was a horrible person. My ex used to say you shouldn’t feel this bad or sad you should be happy because you saved your immortal soul. It was always a look of complacency when that was said. In this moment at time my “flesh” was weak and needed to be at peace now. Not in the hereafter.
We eventually broke up, but amicably. We are still friends to this day but that has nothing to do with this story.
We broke up towards in the third quarter of 2009 and it was three year live in relationship. The problem wasn’t so much the break up which I thought would set me free, but I felt so stuck in the dogma my ex had put in my head. I followed my journey with Christ alone. It became just me and my NIV bible with a little faith and hell of a lot of guilt. Still going to church regularly and tithing and spending time in one of his homes (church) was heartbreaking.
On the day I decided to give my church was when the pastor’s daughter goes into this rant about homosexuality and how she was a Leo. Anyone who has read enough of the bible should know that believing in astrology and studying it is a sin and does the devil. I found it so contradicting that this person in front of me was condemning the lifestyle of others and perpetrating a falsehood in front of the eyes of hundreds. And like lambs to the slaughter they cheered on both accords. I sat in church baffled. At the end of service I left and never returned to the four walls of mans arrogance. God and therefore Christ had nothing to do with what was housed in the building that was erected for His glory.
I tried another church but I understood it wasn’t for me and that I was to handle my relationship with Christ privately. It was hard seeking the balance of being a mortal and being a child of God. Honestly it took me three years to understand my spiritual self. Who at my core is really Rodd Klever.
I came to some understandings.
That if you take care of those around you they will take care of you.
You do reap what you sow. It is an inevitability.
Random acts of kindness and charity not only make you feel good, but shows whatever god you believe in that you care for someone other than yourself.
Your relationship with God is private and not meant to be shared or understood with everyone.
Speak of your experiences especially those overcoming failure moments.
Befriend everyone especially those who have it harder than you. Jesus never ran to the kings to help, but to the streets to the people who really needed him. No one is beneath you we are all in this struggle together.
Love is love, love. Love everyone and everything you do with passion, care , and consideration even yourself.
and above all…
God is love.
God loves everyone beyond our missteps, sins, errors, and backsliding. He knows some of us have good intentions, but circumstances have slowed us down to getting to our successes. I know I am not perfect and some of things I put out in this forum may not be perfect but if it helps one person to do better I have done God’s will and I can die peacefully. He didn’t intend for us to be hard on ourselves but to do better and to get out of our own way sometimes you feel me?
Whatever way you decide to find God, whether it is in a place of worship or in your own personal time. Find him it will make the long days shorter and the sadder days less defeating.
Peace and Hair Grease,
“You don’t own me
I’m not just one of your many toys
You don’t own me
Don’t say I can’t go with other boys
And don’t tell me what to do
Don’t tell me what to say
And please, when I go out with you
Don’t put me on display”
Dating situations at any time can be complicated, but its worst when people are trying to control you, manipulate you, and use you solely as arm candy. The person you are with or planning on dating shouldn’t be objectified. Men and women are so guilty of this, at all times. You get a hot chick or dude and you flaunt him all around town like a new show pony, but funny part is you aren’t even committed. Like the shiny new toy you are you are purposefully designated as the new toy. Shamefully folks don’t realize when they being dragged around all the time. I think when relationships aren’t defined you should have all free will to be who are and who want to.
No permission necessary.
“You don’t own me
Don’t try to change me in any way
You don’t own me
Don’t tie me down ’cause I’d never stay
I don’t tell you what to say
I don’t tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That’s all I ask of you”
In dating situations or friendship we all just want to be whom we are. As I have gotten older I have stopped trying to make everyone comfortable and just be myself, as long as I am not hurting or slowing the progression of someone else who is close to me. It also makes no sense that your character is so far reaching that it throws off the success of everyone in your social vicinity and it’s quite selfish. I get baffled when people are dating a social misfit and want them to change, knowing that they were this person before they got to you and will be this person after you. You have to synergize who you both are and reach a happy medium. Its like someone telling me well you workout too much and I want to see you often, but isn’t that part of why you are attracted to me. I will stay in the gym because that is what makes me happy and doesn’t affect the bond that we share. Furthermore if I am not asking you to change because I like or love you for why must I compromise? These examples lead to resentful and an evitable failure of a relationship. I don’t ask for much, just to be loved for who I am.
“I’m young and I love to be young
I’m free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please”
As you get older and you realize, “Hey I’m getting old, I will be older, and eventually I will die.” As morbid as it sounds it’s a harsh reality. We live our lives on a borrowed clock and before we know it we have missed out on our entire lives. It’s no time like the present to do what makes you happy. I try to take full advantage of my life regardless of what time and space I am and to be in a relationship when someone seeks to manipulate and slow down that joy is at best disconcerting and unacceptable. As much as I would adore a coupling right now, I need someone who would allow me to stand strongly as an individual and I am definitely got my eyes and my heart open for it.
No cages. No prisons. No jails. No chains. No handcuffs.
Eternally Young and Free,
“Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.” – Emily Dickinson
So dating in the world of “Thirty” is anything less than fantastical at times. By this stage of your life you hopefully have some comfortability with who you are, accept it, and are definitely working on making yourself better, but as I said; “I hope.”
The strangest thing keeps happening where I keep meeting these late 20-somethings and 30-somethings that have never experienced a quality relationship with an inevitable hardcore break up where they got dumped or had to leave for their own self-preservation. It is as if lack they romantic experience, like on a job application. I find that they have this warped ideal of what a relationship should look like and how it should go. They are usually prone to playing “house” or “boyfriend and girlfriend”. It will take more than that to make a relationship to work.
When I date or I have someone of interest I always probe to see if they have had any serious relationships prior to meeting me and I pray they do. Then I have to probe and see if they are still jaded behind it or they simply have learned from it. I don’t think you can anything call any relationship serious if you haven’t more than physical year with someone. Like you got key to their place or you live together or you are chill alone together where you witness all their idiosyncacies. Those moments when it is just you and them you see their core who they are, but from experience I hope you are asking questions to see who they are because sometimes they are still hiding behind somewhat of a mask and are still only letting you see what they want you to see. Ultimately I romantically seek these types out I don’t want to deal with someone I have to “love” break them in.
SIDEBAR: The jaded, I don’t have time for. They are ultimately just great for sex and the occasion date because they make great convo and are a hell of a piece of arm candy.
Now the ones who have had their hearts broken and have learned from it (myself included) and are ready to love are the perfect ones to catch. This is the only time in life that something broken is worth the purchase. People who have sincerely lost at love and came back from it are the best lovers. They know what they need from a lover and understand their own fears and apprehensions, but are not controlled by them at all. They are willing to work so hard at keeping the right one if they stumble upon them but often times we don’t.
Being so attuned to your romantic wants and desires are seriously a gift and a curse. The jaded or the ones in bad relationships will tell you that you can’t have those things. They will try to shut down all thoughts of you being happy because they are unhappy (also these types don’t make great friends either so run, no one like a Negative Nate or Nancy). What does their defeat have to do with your victory? We all live or lives individually and sure there are coincidences and happenstance, but we can take our love lives as far as we want and know that there is someone out there for us. We can have what we want. With a little prayer, duct tape, twine, and faith anything is possible.
I know at times it seems we live in a world full of broken hearts and regrets and people who never really take time to the resolve the pain in their hearts. Trust me I know about the rebound relationship they can be great when coming down from the high of another, but once that is caput then what? Some of us continue to be broken or ones with broken hearts and there is nothing like having a heart even if it is broken and bruised.
Peace and Hair Grease,
You know lately I been noticing an excessive amount of word vomit from people. I thought it was something indicative of the last year, but clearly people are not content with shutting up.
We have evolved to a society where everyone thinks what we say and think is meant to be heard and exclaimed. We have developed very strong opinions about people, events, and places that have nothing to do with us or our experience. People have gotten so out of control with speaking out that they are inadvertently shooting themselves in the foot.
Cutting off their noses despite their face…
Putting their entire foot in their mouths…
And placing the proverbial carriage in front of the horse…
Succinctly America… SHUT UP!
I have strong opinions like any natural born citizen, but if I am not well informed on the topic at hand I decide to lean back and listen and/or ask probing questions. Followed up with extensive research depending how interested I am in the topic. Honestly dealing with people you find out so much by just observing and absorbing what they are doing rather than constantly commenting.
I really don’t let folks opinions sway how I conduct and experience my life. I prefer to make my assessment of the situation so I can adapt and deal accordingly. I think this was brought to a head over a comment made on my instagram at the end of the year about an object in a photo that “allegedly” caused a rivalry between my siblings. When I saw the comment I flipped out. I didn’t respond because I’m not engaging my siblings like that at this stage of my life. I plainly don’t have time to argue folks because I will handle anyone unapologetically with extreme prejudice… and I don’t apologize anymore or appease adults because they will try you again.
So I basically just shut up now.
I already assessed the situation in its entirety and I addressed both siblings on their point of view of what happened. I compared notes and assessed what went wrong. So when another sibling made an uninformed statement it gas-lit the shit out of me. I was furthermore pissed because I was accused (by the same sibling) of taking sides when I had basically went to house to house and laid everyone out including my mother for the part we all played in it that lead to this dramatic event.
I think if people held their tongues more often or addressed each other with insight and understanding a lot of things wouldn’t “pop off”.
Another situation was with a co-worker who was trying to berate another co-worker for going on a fifteen minute break with me. She made uninformed comments and my co-worker was mature enough not to argue. I, on the other hand would stuck my dick in their feelings and fucked them slow. I have a smart ass mouth when tempted with an asshole.
I understood their concern, but your articulation is out of line.
This is what I mean by shutting up.
Not at all am I minimizing Columbine and I am very sorry for the death of those teenagers, but you can’t push people and talk out the side of your neck and not think they aren’t going to retaliate. I am not all saying go into a school blazing guns especially in light of the Newtown incident (which eternally breaks my heart).
I am saying you don’t know what kind of day they are having or had.
You don’t know who else shat on them before they got to you.
You don’t know their mental state.
You may not even know how they may feel about you.
They could have clean started fighting in there like two rabid dogs at a Black Friday sale in a Wal-Mart. If you are going to express what you feel negatively. Expect people to respond. Do not give yourself the opportunity to get molly-wopped (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mollywop) because you are having an opinionated moment and you trying to keep it real.
Silence is golden people, embrace it.
Peace and Hair Grease,
The year Two Thousand and Twelve has been the most amazing year yet. Full of very high highs and very low lows. I experienced almost every emotion except romantic love, but the love I have for myself, my friends, my family, and above all God has eternally and change, grown, and evolved.
So let’s run down the quick review to the things I can remember. LOL.
My year started with me giving up fast food. Something I look back in hindsight I thought I would never overcome. It’s almost a distant memory now. Soon after I turn thirty-two which my birthday for me was spent when friends who soon later become very much less than friends and in their entirety never really spoken to again. I finished my last semester in community college without a degree because I was short two courses. It was a major miscommunication with my school. In the summer I took a road trip with a very close friend to Atlanta and had an amazing time and towards the summer I had a horrible depression in which I lost 15 pounds on my already small frame because of a betrayal of some aforementioned friends. Not but a week after that I left the country for the week and saw the beautiful island of Trinidad during the height of their 50th year of independence and the summer Olympic gold win. I returned back with a new love of the states and new love of the world I am in. I got my fitness game on lock and results are coming for once and I’m happy with my overall appearance for once. I had a real bad falling out with my family that lead me to disassociating my relationship with them as a brother and son. I didn’t return back to school that semester but I spend my time focused on my blog and my writing. I came to realization my close friend was really my best friend and she was all I needed nothing more and nothing less. I had an amazing Thanksgiving with my closest friends and my sister who have undoubtedly become the family I needed. I made it to Christmas with the sorest throat of my LIFE and couldn’t talk for a day. I almost found love but that failed due to a insecurity that I had nothing to do with.
All in all it was a great year and everything that happened was supposed to happen and I would never take them back.
I will say that people clearly placed themselves in my life and revealed who they really were and I’m thankful for that.
Friends have become best friend. Enemies have become disappointments. My heart has become stronger but at times still breaks.
I know more of who I am now. I know now what has to be done. It’s like seeing a glimpse of your future and knowing that is time to still change and alter your destiny.
She may not see this, but I don’t know who and where I would be without her. I have sat watched us grow together as siblings and friends. My big little sister as I call her has been more than a sister at times and when I say I love this woman. Y’all have no idea. She has become one of the essentials in my life.
God has blessed me with people who genuinely love me and care for me who honestly understand my past, loves my present, and enhances my legacy.
At the end of day my loves invest in people who will invest in you. Hold on to them tight and love them like you never want them to leave. I promise you they will repay your spirit tenfold with the understanding we all are so deeply looking for.
Remember it’s the quality not the quantity of the people you hold in your space and above all in your heart.
I want to thank my “Makeshift ” Family, the dudes in my Facebook group who have become more than friends but brothers, my fitness fam on Twitter for always looking out, the few brothers I know that blog and vlog, and….
Finally I want to say thank you to everyone who supported my blog in 2012 and be prepared for a serious ride in 2013, because America you about to see shit you have never seen before as I push my brand further.
Love you all.
Peace and Hair Grease,
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 2,900 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 5 years to get that many views.
In the catastrophe of this winter I have had a lot of candid conversations with other “prospective hopefuls”. I think people are attracted to the idea of me, not me. You feel me?
It’s like I talk a good game but they eventually won’t seal the deal. Often times these are people who are in unsuccessful relationships and I think to some extent I am some kind of escape from the mayhem of a ridiculous lover. I offer a consistent and balanced personality that reminds them nothing of the person they are with. I never understand why they stay because I know what they have is more than a rough patch it is the beginning of their end. I realize you can’t convince people to so what is common sense in this day and age.
So do I play the waiting game?
Do I pray the lover fucks up and I get what’s mine?
I know even if the split does happen they may not even want to date again. It’s so many scenarios that run through my head. I could imagine all the ways it could play out but realistically I see my being the loser and less of the victor.
I had a relationship years ago where I experienced unconditional love and I reveled in it. So now when I talk to folks I can exemplify that easily because it is a part of who I am now. I know how to be a solid lover and a consistent one when I love someone.
Sometimes honestly I feel like I’m being catfished and not that these are online endeavors but I feel like someone is not telling me everything and I don’t deal well with secretive people well. They often blow up in your face at times and you are left looking like boo-boo the fool. Not at all is it my agenda in my thirties to look like a complete and utter ass for someone else. So I am very leery or people who only let you see their strengths and not their weaknesses. I say this. I am to ever love you and I will, I will love all your good days and bad days and even if you are wrong and I am right I would never discount the love I have expressed to you. I treat my friends this way and I would treat my boo-thing the same way.
With all that standing I talk to folks and it’s like they are enamored with being a guy with me but can’t take that leap.
Am I too sure of myself?
Can my confidence be my undoing?
Is being real, clear, concise, and semi-discerning of one’s self a romantic intimidation?
I been asking myself this all night and I wonder am I the only one?
Peace and Hair Grease,
This is a solid piggy back off of my Cuffing Season: Reloaded post.
So with this cuffing season nonsense going on I realized I have accumulated a few lovers in my time. Well since losing my virginity back in 2002. Nothing to be ashamed of I am a sexual being and I know I do it well.
So one the particular people I ran into said to me.
“What happened to you? We was supposed to be married with children.”
So you know I am looking very confused because we really had nothing much than a few sexual trysts at best and I distinctly remember the sex being good but my sexual appetite has thoroughly evolved and changed.
It’s like at that time I could have been eating fried whiting, when now I prefer a good ole sushi or shrimp tempura. So if we ever reconnected again since it was years between us. There is no assurance that the sex would be amazing let alone satiate me in my entirety.
My rebuttal was simply: “You got stingy with the sex and I don’t chase. So I moved on.” (smize and closed mouth smile).
Trust me it didn’t come across that harsh, but really. I think people don’t understand the type of lover I was in my mid-twenties. I couldn’t articulate an “I like you.” or even “You make my day.” I just communicate through my lusty, ripened, engorged loins. I was sweet on the person and it definitely could have blossomed into something more, but it didn’t. If I was really feeling you I was not at all too proud to beg AT ALL.
“So when you coming thru?”
“I’m trying to smash tonight.”
“Moms aint home slide on thru.”
“Where can I scoop you?”
I didn’t fuck around and I wanted it I was going to find some way to get you to the crib, even if I had to pay for your cab fare or metro fare if I was in between cars. In hindsight it came across thirsty and folks may have exploited the yummy goodness I was giving up sometimes. I don’t want folks to think that sexually that they got me wrapped so when I hit the wall with chasing I stop cold turkey.
But I digress.
We spent a night together after that. It was the same ole shit. I hit it so fast in the morning that I had the Road Runner saying Meep! Meep! for me. I think I left a toenail under the foot of the door I got out so quick. Not only that I left with a hard dick they had no intention of giving up the goods and I wasn’t going to play that game.
So I have solidified the idea of not rehashing old love interest and/or fuck buddies after that night. I think lovers are meant to be left after you don’t get up after so long. Also being that I am so fully aware of the type of person I want to marry… not date America… MARRY. I can’t fall any other foolishness right now. So what’s your thoughts on this topic? Are you haunted by your past fuck buddies?